If anyone has an acoustic guitar handy, you might want to gently strum the Weebles jingle as I acknowledge with some irritation that today I too wobbled but didn’t fall down — because our front door was partially open and its angled side was in the way. It’s a monster-thick, frighteningly heavy wooden door that’s …
Crankenstein and I were perusing desserts on our most recent jaunt to an Asian supermarket when she plucked a box of wife cakes from the shelf and mused “I might start calling you this.” We deliberately avoided the turtle tanks, lest I have a turtle nightmare — a nod to one of the more infamous …
Soon I’ll have no choice but to block Middle Sister’s number — she’s the opposite of Elizabeth Taylor’s diamond earrings and never brings me luck. This morning she called and despondently asked “Have you heard about Dad?” No, I hadn’t heard about Dad, but I remembered the last time she called with a similar question …
If there’s one thing I’m normally good at, it’s waiting. Early in life, I had no time to waste: I was born a month early, hit most milestones sooner than my siblings, was weaned in practically no time, and spooked an aunt on Halloween by reading the neighbors’ yard signs and decorations when I was …
First of all, I’m not entirely sold on the title of this post, but a musical reference was needed and calling this “Drinkn’stein” wouldn’t have made any sense when I’m a teetotaler. (If you’re already lost, that’s probably a good thing; it means you’ve wasted far less of your life than some of us have …
Pamela Sue Martin. It’s a name most people 40 and under won’t recognize, but many followers of my telefilm reviews were children of the ’70s. If you’re reading this right now, odds are you can vividly recall Martin, who was in The Poseidon Adventure and followed a stint on The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries by …
There’s a “Big Yellow Taxi” situation currently unfolding in my family, except it has nothing to do with environmentalism and everything to do with drama. Normally we’re a pretty staid bunch, so some of my relatives are really struggling with this — their bodies are rejecting what’s happening. It’s a tricky thing to write about …
One of my earliest memories involves infidelity. It’s a fact I’m often reminded of when watching TV movies, a disproportionate number of which — especially those made in the ’80s and ’90s — feature straying spouses. The monotony of all that adultery eventually wears thin, or simply strikes you as absurd, which is one of …
The insults flew fast and furious yesterday morning, coming mostly from the universe and my own decrepit body, so it was hardly surprising when an elderly stranger joined in on the act. It wasn’t long past 8 am and though I pretended not to hear her question, there was a part of me that longed …
It was early in the morning of what was, for me, a rare snow day, when our neighbor accidentally started a fire. I’d been lazing around at home with my ex in a cozy scene of such domestic idyll that its memory could still warm me today if I allowed it to. Oblivious to the …