I can’t sing or dance and I’m nothing much to look at, but damned if I’m not great at submitting myself to endless torture trying to fix something that isn’t working. It’s a skill, or maybe a value, that I picked up from my parents. My dad will make 12 profanity-laced trips to Lowe’s in […]
Jack of Few Trades Read More »
My home office was out of commission today while the electric company replaced a transformer, so I did what anyone else would do in that situation and watched a Judith Light movie.* The review is already half-written but a slightly less successful endeavor was undertaken beforehand, one that taught me a valuable lesson: don’t paint
Another Brick in the Wall Read More »
Within the next week or so I should have a hobby-specific website up and running, news I expect some of you will greet like audience members during Oprah’s ‘favorite things’ episodes. Except your outpouring of emotion — the screaming and shaking and hysterical crying reminiscent of Muriel’s pre-breakfast rituals — won’t be because everyone’s getting
Crankenstein and I were perusing desserts on our most recent jaunt to an Asian supermarket when she plucked a box of wife cakes from the shelf and mused “I might start calling you this.” We deliberately avoided the turtle tanks, lest I have a turtle nightmare — a nod to one of the more infamous
You Break, You Pay Read More »
Soon I’ll have no choice but to block Middle Sister’s number — she’s the opposite of Elizabeth Taylor’s diamond earrings and never brings me luck. This morning she called and despondently asked “Have you heard about Dad?” No, I hadn’t heard about Dad, but I remembered the last time she called with a similar question
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Here’s what it means in practice when I grouse about little things taking longer than before. This afternoon I went up and down the stairs several times in quick succession — sometimes one flight, sometimes two — while carrying laundry and other things. Then I moved an empty metal five-shelf cabinet a few feet from
There are still a couple minor details left to touch up, but here’s a simple boat the curmudgeonly Captain Pete kept on hand for casual use. It has an outboard motor that’s finished but I’m reluctant to glue it in place because it might work better elsewhere. The lighthouse is in 1:24 (or half-inch) scale,
Though I regularly speak with my family, there are certain subjects we avoid. My parents know about the ‘Niles’ situation and the stress it has caused in my marriage, and they’re aware of long-simmering tensions over Crankenstein’s stinginess with her free time and her general aversion to helping around the house. They know I’ve not
Now that the Firefighter monkey is off my back — I opted against having Crankenstein contribute doodles after learning she’s unfamiliar with The Facts of Life — maybe I’ll experience a new emotional freedom and strut down the street tomorrow a rejuvenated woman, like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. If you’re wondering why that
“You’re going to run out of paper,” my mom used to say as she watched me do homework. If I didn’t like how a letter looked, I’d start all over again. Sometimes it took a few pages to even make it past my name, which was the first thing written atop every assignment. She called
“You’re Going to Run Out of Paper” Read More »