Did I unleash an ancient curse on my siblings when I wrote a post called “You Can Have It All” last December? The timelines absolve me of any responsibility but I feel implicated nevertheless.* It was only a couple months after first mentioning my sisters’ envy of my life, and mine of theirs, that Youngest Sister threw her family into disarray. Middle Sister, also known as Tom, made a similar announcement this morning.
Of Tom and her girlfriend of 10 years, I previously wrote: “Appearances can be deceiving — that’s what this post is about — but my sister and her partner seem pretty happy together, while I’m fairly certain my marriage is doomed despite the fondness my wife and I share for each other.” As far as any of us know, they were pretty happy together… until right around the time Youngest Sister ended her marriage.
Divorce contagion is real (not that Tom, who is anti-marriage, was hitched), or at least it was in the past; you can read dry papers about it or simply recall the plot of Husbands and Wives. Tom seems to have caught the bug from Youngest Sister, but her resistance was already flagging: while railing against our sister’s separation in February, she extraneously mentioned that she hadn’t ruled out opening up her relationship one day — a sure sign it was doomed if she was serious.**
When I saw that she’d revived a usually dormant group text earlier with a two word message (“life update”), I sighed and muttered “oy vey.” She followed it up with an explanatory voice memo and said she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, so I sent a supportive reply and left it at that. I know we’ll end up on the phone this week and she’ll cry and want me to share words of wisdom. This time she won’t like what she hears; I think she’s lost her mind.
During Youngest Sister’s split, Tom recalled the advice I offered after her first huge breakup in college. “I’m glad someone remembers it fondly,” I wanted to joke, but then I would’ve had to explain that as soon as we hung up, a seething Ex entered our apartment’s bedroom — I was still sitting on the bed — and warned “You came very close to crossing the line.”
It was one of those moments you look back on and think “What the hell?!” I don’t remember if the call came before or after an email I sent Tom that said something like “I’m proud that you gave your heart to someone knowing it might be handed back in a million pieces,” but that letter angered her, too. She thought I was speaking authoritatively, that any insight I had into the subjects of heartbreak or lost love must’ve been gleaned from my non-relationship with Almost-Girlfriend.
I remember it as one of a handful of moments — each crazier than the last — when I should’ve handled things differently and done more to impress upon her how destructive her jealousy was to our relationship and to us as individuals. Unfortunately, it would’ve required a defter emotional touch and a stronger backbone than I possessed.
In the meantime, while Tom gathers her bearings, it was my mom who unexpectedly called this afternoon and asked “How are you and [Crankenstein]?”
“Are you asking about us individually or are you inquiring about the state of our marriage?” I replied.
“Maybe both,” she laughed.
“We’re fine,” I assured her.
She gave her standard spiel about just wanting her kids to be happy, but I wondered if that wasn’t part of the problem.
“I’m not sure they understand you’ll never always be happy,” I said of my sisters. “Or that you’re not going to be madly in love with your partner every second of the day for the rest of your lives. How often do you look at Dad and want to hit him over the head with a frying pan?”
“All the time!” she joked.
Crankenstein can probably relate.
* The problems precipitating their breakups easily predate the post.
** I wasn’t convinced she was serious; it’s the pose du jour among every pretentious know-it-all in her age group.